This Present Darkness
by artykidd
Summary: Takes place after the monster at the Volpahart building is destroyed. Very dark, some bad language but nothing harsh. Dark, deep seeded desires of Raphael come to light.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I started posting this story on Stealthy Stories over a year ago, but I thought I might try posting it here hoping to get a little more of a response. Anyway, this takes place after the Volpahart building. I always thought that Raph seeing himself as his enemy was something that should have been delved into a bit deeper. So here it is. I just hope it doesn't get too confusing since there are two Raphael's in this story. **

**I don't own 'em and as always, review please.**

* * *

_So sensei's got us sitting in a circle and telling him what happened. It's been two days since we rescued Angel's brother from that monster. Ugh! Still makes my skin crawl when I remember everything. I'd rather forget. __  
__So Mike's done telling about his nightmares and now he's crying and apologizing to Leo. Geeze, when did this become group therapy? Great, they're huggin. That means I'm next. Damn. I don't want to do this crap. I don't want to tell them what I dreamt up in that monster's belly. __  
__I haven't slept well since. Stupid nightmare keeps coming back. Only it's getting harder to fight my darker half. Last night, he won. __  
__Why couldn't I have had some simple little dream like Donny or Mikey? They're worst nightmare was losing some one close. And Leo? True to form and being the perfect son, he conquers his nightmare. __  
__I can't take this. I gotta' get outta' this. I don't wanna' talk right now._

Raphael stood up to leave the room and Splinter called out to him. "Raphael? Where are you going?" Splinter wasn't sure why his son would just get up to walk out. Yes he knew that Raphael often walked out in a rage when he lost his temper, but there was no such outburst preceding his actions this time.

Raphael stopped at the door leading out of his Sensei's room. He had his hand on the door but stopped when Splinter called him. Sighing heavily, he turned slightly to look at his father. His lack of sleep was starting to show on his face. Dark circles were starting to emerge under his eyes. His mouth was drawn. The energy that once flared in his eyes was just a remaining flicker. Splinter had never seen such a look on his son's face. It worried him.

"Sensei,…………….. I gotta' headache and I'm tired. Please, I just want to go lay down." The usually tough talking turtle was pleading with the rat, like a child asking for a toy.

Splinter had heard the desperation in his son's voice. "Very well," he nodded. "But we will continue this tomorrow Raphael."

"Yes Master Splinter," Raphael whispered as he left the room.

Splinter turned to the other three turtles. "Has Raphael confided in you my sons?" He knew it was a long shot, but he had to try. All three shook their heads to indicate no.

"Leonardo, what happened down there?"

"I don't know what happened Master Splinter." Leo answered. "He must have been having a pretty bad nightmare. When I found him he was all tensed up and I had a hard time waking him."

"I see," the old rat pondered for a moment over this new information. Of all his student's Raphael was the hardest to understand. He had a tendency to keep things bottled up and did not talk to anyone when things bothered him. "Perhaps it would be best if I spoke to your brother about this in private," Splinter suggested.

But Sensei," Michelangelo interrupted. "If we had to talk about our nightmares to everyone, why doesn't Raph? That's not very fair."

"I agree Michelangelo, but you must remember what your brother is like. These situations are not easy for him and he does not express himself freely like you or your brothers do." Splinter looked at Michelangelo and smiled. "Do you understand?" Michelangelo nodded yes.

"Very well my sons. You have all been through a trying time. I suggest that you take the evening off to relax."

All three turtles smiled at the suggestion. In unison, they stood and bowed to their sensei before leaving his room.

"So guys," Michelangelo asked as they walked down the hallway. "Do you want to do something together?" The look in his eyes was more than Donnatello or Leonardo could resist.

"You know Mikey; it has been awhile since we had a game night." Leonardo suggested.

Donnatello answered for his younger brother, "It's been years Leo. We haven't done that since we were kids. It could be fun."

"Hey!" Michelangelo's eyes brightened up. "Donnie, April got me the Pop Culture version of trivial pursuit for my birthday last month. We could play that. If you'll go get it off the shelf, I'll make the popcorn." Before either could answer him, Michelangelo happily raced to the kitchen to take care of the food and drinks.

Leo smiled at Donnatello, "Better go get it Don. I'll go clear some space off of the table."

Donnatello agreed and went to find the game Michelangelo suggested.

Leonardo saw Splinter emerge from his room. "Sensei? Would you like to join us?"

"Thank you Leonardo, but I wish to check on your brother."

Leonardo nodded. Donnatello came in and he and Leonardo began setting up the game. The smell of freshly buttered popcorn from the kitchen announced Michelangelo's entrance.

Splinter smiled as he walked away and onto the upper level of the lair. His son's laughter lightened his heart a little. But when he entered Raphael's room, his feelings changed. _No matter how warm it is in the lair _he thought to himself, _it is always cold in here. _He shut the door behind him and gave his eyes a moment to adjust.

Raphael was deep in a dream. It was one he wished he could leave and as much as he struggled to do so, he couldn't. He was back in the cavern's again, battling his evil self. As hard as he fought, he couldn't push his other self away. With every punch or kick that he made at his twin, it was blocked.  
Raphael was becoming tired. His lack of sleep and restless nights were taking their toll on him, not just physically but mentally. He was having a hard time focusing on the fight and was beginning to lose. Things seemed to be hazy and move in a slow motion. It felt like he was in a fog. things were oddly silent as well.

The Evil Raphael kept pushing harder and harder until he had Raphael pinned against the wall. He had Raphael's sais in his hand and glared at him evilly, his eyes glowing red. Raphael tried to push him off and get away but he felt a sharp pain in both his shoulder and screamed. He felt something trickling down both his arms. He looked down to see that his other self had used his own sais to pin him to the wall. Raphael tried to raise his arms to pull the weapons out but was hit with a wave of pain and dropped his arms.

_"Now,"_ the turtle in Shredder's armor spoke. _"You're going to behave like a good little turtle and not move. Maybe then, I won't kill you."_

"_What do you want?"_ Raphael asked weakly, his arms still screaming from the pain.

"_I want what I've always wanted. To be free of your constraints. You have always kept me from going to far. Never wanting to lose your precious little temper and hurt your family."_ He leaned in and glared at Raphael. "_Well guess what, you lose. I'm in control now not you. I will get revenge on all of them. On Leonardo for acting like he's better than me, On Donatello for acting like he's smarter than me, and on Michelangelo for simply annoying me."_

Raphael's eyes widened with fear. _"How could you, you...BASTARD!"_

_"Now, now_," he responded calmly. "_Don't let Sensei hear you talk like that. He might hit you on the head with his cane."_ He stopped and folded his arms, thinking. "_Yes, the rat. For too long he has helped you to keep me in check. All that stupid meditation and training. I do owe him for that,"_ and he turned to look at Raphael. _"Don't I?"_ He placed a finger under Rapahel's chin and made him look eye to eye with him, "_You see, I'm going to make things better for us. I get rid of them, they no longer bother us. We deserve power, you and I. We deserve to live better than this. And... I...will...make...them...PAY!"_

Raphael woke up for practice the next morning, and much to his sensei's suprise, he was smiling.  
"I am glad to see you feeling better Raphael," Splinter commented as the turtle joined his brothers. "Are you ready to begin?"

"Oh yes," he hissed as he rubbed the points of his sais. "I've been ready for a long time.:

All four turtles lined up, side by side, in front of their sensei. Not wanting to give himself away just yet, Raphael bowed, albeit, very curtly. Splinter took no notice of this and simply bowed back. He had his students run through a few katas to warm up and then had them pair up. "First," he said. "I would like Michelangelo and Leonardo to begin."

Raphael gave a short growl. _STUPID RAT. I wanted a shot a leonardo_. He looked up at Donnatello who came and sat down beside him, but said nothing. Instead he watched carefully as his two brothers fought, studying their moves closely.

After approximately ten minutes, Splinter called the match. "Very good Michelangelo. Your technique is improving and you are making excellent use of your gymnastic skills."

"Yes!" Michelangelo jumped up and pumped his fist in the air.

Splinter turned to the oldest, "Leonardo." Leonardo nodded. "As always, your stance is perfect. However, I would like for you to try this particular technique next time."

Rapahel watched impatiently as splinter demonstrated a new move to Leonardo. He rolled his eyes as Michelangelo sat down and he was sandwiched between Donnatello and the youngest turtle.

"Hey Raph!" Michelangelo asked excitedly. "Didja' see that bro'? I almost had Leo a couple of time there!"

Raphael glared at Michelangelo as he made the comment. "Shut up stupid," he said flatly.

Michelangelo leaned back in shock. "Hey Raph," he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "You okay? I thought you were in a pretty good mood this morning."

Rapahel immediately slapped the hand away and growled at Michelangelo. As a result the young turtle carefully got up and moved to the other side of Donnatello.

An evil laugh was all they heard out of him.

"Raphael, Donnatello," Splinter called out. "You are up next." Splinter motioned to the mat for the two of them to enter. Already noticing Raphael's abrupt change in behavior, Donnatello approached the mat nervously.

The match didn't last long. Raphael took advantage of Donnatello apprehension and immediately unleashed an aggressive attack. It was over within a minute's time. Raphael landed a series of punches on Donatello's chest and head until the turtle fell back on his shell. Raphael immediately launched himself at Donnatello, drawing his sais in his right hand.

Seeing what was happening, Splinter called out, "Raphael! Stop!"

Rapahel landed astride Donnatello with the point of his sais just touching his brother's neck. Donatello's eyes were wide with shock.

Rapahel grinned wide, "DAMN! That felt goooooood." He got up and stood back with his arms folded and watched as Splinter helped the fallen turtle get up.

"Are you alright my son?" Splinter asked.

"Yeah," he replied and rose shakily. Trying to laugh off what had just happened, Donnatello sheepishly grinned. "You definitely took me by surprise Raph."

Disgusted that he did not scare his brother as he intended, Rapahel's smile quickly faded into a look of distaste.

"Leonardo," Splinter spoke. "You will go up against Raphael." Splinter stepped of the mat and indicated for the two to face each other. Suspicious of his son's actions Splinter spoke again. "You will use your practice weapons this time."

Leonardo accepted the wooden versions of his katanas and gently placed his twin blades in their spot on the wall.

Rapahel loathed the idea of the two wooden sai, but snatched them up, deciding to go along with this for now. Looking around for an appropriate place to put his weapons, he smiled and flung them at Donnatello and Michelangelo's direction. Both ducked in response as the two weapons stuck into the wall, only a foot above their heads.

"Raphael!" Splinter called out.

Rapahel turned and walked over to face Leonardo on the mat. _First I humiliate him the way he has humilitated me. Then, I kill him_ he thought to himself.

_"No!"_ Raphael screamed from his position on the wall. _"I won't let you!"_ and he tried unsuccessfully to pull himself free from the wall. Eventually the pain he experienced won and he had to stop.

Rapahel shook his head to try and clear out the extra voice. He staggered for a moment. "SHUT UP YOU SNIVELLING TWIT!" he yelled at himself.

"You okay bro'?" Leonardo asked.

Rapahel looked up and glared at him. "Let's go," he challenged, and walked over to the mat.

Leonardo looked at Splinter who nodded back in approval. Leonardo stepped back and pulled out one of his wooden swords. The two went at each other almost immediately. Splinter watched the whole time, making mental notes of how his sons were moving. He notice Rapahel's actions were more aggressive than usual but they also had a sense of cold calculation to them. That was when Raphael took a couple of cheap shots at Leonardo, causing him to stumble back.  
"What's your problem Raph!" he called out angrily.

"You're my problem Leo," Raphael smiled back, trying to provoke his brother. As Raphael turned to make a roundhouse kick at Leonardo, Leo jumped and flipped over Rapahel. As he landed, he held his sword in a horizontal position infront of the angry turtle.

Raphael turned and stared at the sword, "Mistake," he glared. "Big Mistake." His eyes became small slits and without taking his eyes off of Leonardo, he grabbed the wooden sword in both hands. Rolling onto his shell, he flipped Leonardo over him. Before the oldest turtle could recover, Raphael firmly planted a kick to Leonardo's stomach. Donnatello and Michelangelo looked on in horror as his actions continued.

"Raphael! Enough!" Splinter yelled and he stepped between the two. "Donnatello, Michelangelo. See to Leonardo." Both turtles nodded and moved forward. "Raphael"

Raphael just stared at Splinter indifferently.

"I will speak with you in private," and he pointed to his room. "Now!"

Shrugging as if he had done nothing wrong, Raphael tossed the wooden sai off to the side and bent down over Leonardo. "I win" he whispered.

Inside his room, splinter spent much of the time lecturing Raphael on how he treated his brothers at practice. He tried to get Raphael to open up about his nightmare that occurred at the Volpahart building. Still nothing. The only response was a cold, silent stare. Splinter sighed; he walked over to Raphael and laid a hand on him as he spoke. "My son, I only wish to help you."

Raphael immediately jerked away and stood up. "I don't need your help old rat, "he spat out. "Nor do I desire it." With his last statement, he turned and left the room, a very confused and hurt splinter in his wake.

As he began walking up the stairs to his own room, Raphael heard the other three talking about what happened in the dojo. "_Do you hear that? They're talking about us again."_ The darker Raphael stood eyeing his counterpart on the wall. The other Raphael's image was still pinned by his own sais.

_"No!"_ Raphael yelled back. _"It's you they're talking about. That wasn't me in there."_ He tried again to pull at the sais, but with less effort this time. He was slowly giving in.

His darker half slapped him. _"YOU STILL DON'T GET IT DO YOU? THERE'S NO ME, NO I, NO YOU!"_ He pushed a finger into Raphael's chest. _"IT'S US, TOGETHER. Our brothers don't care about us, so I'm going to change things for us. HELL,_" he started to smile when the thought hit him. _"We deserve to live somewhere other than these shit filled sewers. WE DESERVE MONEY, POWER, AND RESPECT."_ His arms stretched out as he spoke each word.

Raphael looked himself in the eye, _"I will make you pay for this."_ He growled low as he spoke.

_"THERE YOU GO,"_ the darker Raph cheered._ "GET ANGRY, GET MAD, AND THEN………………. WE WILL GET EVEN." _

Raphael closed his eyes and focused. He used his feet to try and push against the wall to free himself. _"God this hurts,"_ he thought. _"I can't let this happen. I can't."_ He felt something slam into his head, hard. Dazed and confused, he looked up at his alter ego.

Raphael closed his eyes and focused. He used his feet to try and push against the wall to free himself. he thought. He felt something slam into his head, hard. Dazed and confused, he looked up at his alter ego. 

_"Now see what you made me do?"_ The armored turtle said innocently. _"You made me hurt us."_ He stepped back with his left hand on his hip, wagging his right finger at the Raphael hanging on the wall. _"Now be a good little turtle, and I just might let you enjoy some of what I procure for us. Okay?" _

Raphael hung his head. The sound of his voice caught up in maniacal laughter, ringing through his ears.

Later that evening three brothers walked up their Sensei's room. Leonardo lightly tapped on the door.  
"Enter," came a voice from the other side.

Leonardo, Donnatello, and Michelangelo walked in and bowed to their father. Splinter nodded and the three turtles kneeled infront of their master and teacher. The room was lit with candles as the smell of lavender filled their senses. Silence hung in the air for a moment or two. One turtle shifted nervously, wanting to say something.

"You wish to speak to me about Raphael," Splinter stated.

"Yes Sensei," Leonardo answered. He continued to speak for his brothers. "We were talking about our training session…..and well……," Leonardo paused for a moment, searching for the right words.

"Sensei, is Raph going crazy?"

"Mikey!" Leo hissed.

"It is alright Leonardo." Splinter held his hand up to quiet his son. "I am equally concerned about your brother. Tell me, what do you think is going on?" Splinter looked at Leonardo, waiting for an answer.  
Leonardo turned and looked at Michelangelo, "I don't think I'd say he's crazy, but something is definitely wrong."

"He's finally snapped Leo," Michelangelo interjected again.

Leonardo glared at his youngest brother again. "Mikey, enough. You shouldn't say such things. We don't know what's going on for sure."

"Leo, you didn't see how he looked at me," Michelangelo explained. "I sat down next to him while Sensei was showing you a new stance, and I swear the look he gave me. It was like he hated me. No, worse than hate, like he wanted to kill me. And then Donnie….."

Splinter interrupted Michelangelo before he could go any farther. "Donnatello, you have been very quiet my son." He paused for a moment. "Please, I would like to know what you think of all of this."

Donnatello rubbed his neck, still feeling the tip of Raphael's sais, ready to push through his skin. He cleared his throat.

"Donnatello," Splinter whispered.

Leonardo put his hand on his brother's shoulder while Michelangelo spoke in his ear. "Tell him Donnie. You need to."

Donnatello nodded and looked at his father. "I really think he would have killed me Sensei. I'm….. I'm scared of him. I really don't think any of us are safe around him." Donnatello paused for a moment before giving one last statement. "I don't know what's gotten into Raph, but, I think that if he had the opportunity, he would seriously hurt us or even kill us."

Splinter's stomach turned with that last statement. "As much as I hate to consider it," he sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging, "I believe you are right. Your brother has always been in a constant battle with his inner demons. I am afraid that recent events are causing him to lose that battle."

All three brothers were silent for a long time. Leonardo stared at his sensei, waiting for some great wisdom to be imparted. Donnatello was fidgeting with a string, unraveling from the carpet. Michelangelo had his legs drawn up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them.

"What do we do Sensei?" Leonardo finally asked.

"I wish that I had an answer that would fix everything Leonardo, but I do not. We must be careful around your brother. Do not let him go topside if you can. There is a strong and evil force within him. I feel that the only one who can defeat Raphael's inner demons is Raphael."

Outside the door, an extra set of ears was listening. _"You see?"_ Raphael spoke softly to himself._ "They hate and fear us. Just as they always have."_

Raphael stared back at his darker half from his position on the wall, his hands hung at his side. He was slowly giving up on trying to fight back. _"I know,"_ he whispered back._ "What now?"_

_"HHHMMMMMM, let me think,"_ a well armored Raphael strode back and forth, holding his hands behind his back. _"Obviously we are leaving."_

_"Where?"_ Raphael asked weakly.

The turtle in control perked up, his eyes widening in excitement. He rubbed his hands together,_ "I know just the place."_

Splinter finished talking with his three sons and stood up. "I am going to talk to your brother. I suggest that the three of you wait outside his room. I do not know how we will react when I take away his weapons and tell him he is restricted to the lair." Leonardo, Donnatello, and Michelangelo all nodded in agreement.

As they climbed the stairs, it seemed to take forever. Donnatello stomach seemed to be twisting up in knots as they got closer. Splinter noticed that Leonardo tensed up and Michelangelo began to fidget nervously. Donnatello hung back a bit. Splinter understood his son's fears. Raphael had always been bigger and stronger. But until now, it was never a trait they feared in their brother. It was one that made them feel safer, a little more confident in battle.

They were standing outside Raphael's room, music blaring. Splinter knocked on the door loudly and paused for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he entered the room. He started to call out to his son over the music but a quick look around the room revealed it wasn't necessary. A red bandanna was pinned to the wall by two sai. Splinter turned around to face the other three. "We are too late," he whispered. "Your brother is gone

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If the conversation is too confusing between the two characters, please say so and I'll figure out some way to denote who is talking.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: there is a part in the mirage series where april keeps a diary and she does write what I have put in the story here. so yeah, I'm combining all the different universes at this point. Just trying to pick and pull all the different little bits that will work. Thanks again to everyone who has and/or will review. It's much appreciated.**

* * *

Raphael ran across the rooftops, his destination in mind. Suddenly he stopped and turned his direction, looking off into the east.

_What are you doing? Why are you stopping?_ Raphael's voice became panicked when he realized what his other self was planning.

_I'm making a detour." _His lips curled into an evil grin. He ran his tongue across his teeth. _I have a sudden craving._

* * *

Their brother now missing and realizing the severity of the situation, Leonardo took charge. "Mikey," he instructed. "Call April! Tell her to get down here NOW!"

Immediately the youngest took out his phone and dialed April's number. "c'mon, c'mon, pick up," he talked into the phone.

"Donnie!" the purple banded turtle jumped at the sound of his name. "If we're lucky," Leonardo started. "Raph's still got his phone tucked in his belt. Try to track him."

Agreeing, Donatello ran to his computer console and started looking for his brother.

Leonardo picked up his phone and called Casey.

April awoke to the sound of a ringing in her ears. "What?" she groggily lifted her head off the pillow. _1 AM? Who could be calling at this hour? _She sat up, stretched, threw on a robe and went into the next room to answer the phone. "Hello?" she yawned sleepily.

The voice on the other line sounded erratic and panicky, but she recognized it. "Mikey," she started. "Slow down. I can't understand you when you talk so fast." She listened a minute more. Shaking her head she answered, "No Raph's not here. Did he have another argument with Leo?" April looked up to see a green figure tapping on the glass. "Don't worry Mikey. He just got here." She stood up and began to walk over. "I'll have him call you in a minute."

"NO! April don't!" Michelangelo screamed into the phone. "Leo!" he called across the room. "He's gone to April's. She just let him in!"

Leonardo turned back to his conversation with Casey, "We'll meet you at April's"

"Hey Raph," April opened the window to the fire escape. "C'mon in."

Quietly Raphael climbed through the window and into the living area. He stood silently in the center of the room, not saying a word.

"It's awful late Raph," she spoke while shutting the window. "Is everything……" she turned and saw him standing still with his back to her. He even sounded like he might have been crying. "Raph? What is it?" She stepped closer to him. "Mikey called in hysterics, are you okay?" Slowly she walked closer reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"I'm sorry April," he whimpered, still not facing her. "I'm so sorry."

"Raphael," she whispered softly to him as she touched his shoulder. "What could you possibly have to be sorry for?"

"THIS!" he hissed, rapidly turning around and grabbing her throat.

Instinctively, she pulled at his arm, trying to breathe.

"Don't worry," he said with a menacing grin, forcing her against the wall. "This won't hurt a bit." He paused for a moment, reconsidering his words. "Now that I think about it, it will."

April became panicked at what he was hinting at. Still clutching at his wrist with her left arm, she began groping around the wall wither right. Searching for anything that could be used as a weapon.

Holding her neck with one hand, Raphael began tracing the line of her neck and shoulder with his right hand. "I've always wondered," his tongue clicked as he licked his lips, "What it would be like."

April's eyes went wide with fear. "No, please don't," she begged him. "Don't do this."

He stepped in closer to her, rubbing his beak up against her neck. "I'm going to enjoy this." He began untying her robe with his free hand.

Miraculously, April's hand found a small candlestick. Using every bit of energy she had, she hit the side of his head with the blunt, ceramic object.

Raphael staggered back from the impact, holding his head in his hands. Almost surprised at what had just happened, he slowly pulled a hand away from where she hit him. He stared at the palm of his hand. His rage grew as he watched the blood run down his arm and fall to the floor in little droplets.

April crept along the wall to the door while keeping an eye on Raphael.

"Just for that," he growled, his voice growing louder with each word, "I promise you will suffer you little……"

"Raphael!"

Raphael turned to see his brothers, father and Casey standing in the doorway. "Step away from her Raph," Leonardo ordered coolly.

Rather than being scared at being caught, he seemed unusually calm. "What's the matter Leo? Upset I got to her first?"

"Raphael," Splinter tried to talk to him. "My son, we only wish to help. Please and he extended his hand towards his son. "Let us help you."

For a brief second Splinter's pleas seemed to be working. The look on Raphael's face softened a bit and he turned his face away, ashamed of his actions. "Please," he begged. "Kill me."

Splinter continued to walk slowly to the confused turtle whispering to his son as he did. "We are going to take you home Raphael," he stepped closer. "You must trust us."

As soon as Splinter became close enough, Raphael's demeanor changed. He glared at Splinter, his eyes full of hatred. Angrily he struck out at his former sensei knocking him to the ground. "Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I told you before old rat, WE don't need any help!"

Everyone looked on in shock as he ran, crashing through April's window to the street below. His shadow could be seen running of into the distance.

"How could you?!" he yelled at himself. "April didn't do anything! She didn't deserve that!" Still stuck to the wall, he could do nothing while his other self retaliated.

"You little sniveling," He struck out at the large turtle pinned to the wall. "You just had to let them get close, didn't you?!" He hit Raphael again, this time punching him in the jaw.

Raphael's head was screaming from the beating, but he raised his head and looked at his evil self. "I'd do it again," he spat at him. "You had no right to touch her. She never did anything to us."

The armored turtle stood with his arms folded. "How quickly you forget," he said. "It was only a short time ago that she hurt us. Remember?" He started strolling back and forth in front of the turtle pinned on the wall. "You went upstairs into her room and found her diary," he paused.

"No."

"And I quote, 'the others I care for, feel for."

"No!"

"But not Raphael. He scares me."

"NO!"

In a patronizing way, the darker turtle patted Raphael on the face. "Don't worry," he cooed. "I told you I would take care of things, didn't I?" He held Raphael's face in his hands and forced him to look up. "How can I make you understand? They have to pay for what they've done to us."

"You can't do this," he protested.

"Oh but I can and will. Wait," he paused reconsidering his words. "We will." Now he strode around. "I think it is time we have a little chat with Oruku Saki. Because, after all, the enemy of my enemy is my ally."


	3. Chapter 3

Oruku Saki was sleeping soundly in his opulent bedroom. It was easy for him to do. He did not worry himself with the number of enemies he had, whether inside or outside of his organization. He had plenty of guards to afford him that sense of security. It's unfortunate he took that for granted.

"Wake up," Raphael ordered.

Saki opened his eyes to the point of a sword touching his throat. He followed the steel blade up to see a green figure staring at him. "Which one of the mutants are you?" he questioned, his eyes searching for his guards. He couldn't see any of them and heard no other sounds, save Raphael's voice.

"Raphael," the turtle answered. "Don't bother shouting for help," he removed the sword from Saki's throat.

Wondering what exactly was going on, Saki rose up and stared at the mutant in front of him. "Why?" he asked suspiciously.

Raphael grinned and turned around, walking over to a large curtain at the outer edge of the room. He pulled on it, hard, making the large clothe fall to the floor. When he did, it revealed a pile of bodies, tossed haphazardly together. "You really should take better care in training you men, Shredder." Raphael answered. He began to walk back to where his former enemy was now standing. "They didn't even offer me a challenge."

"What is it you're after, Raphael?" Saki's interest had been peaked. He studied him, wondering what is was he desired. The turtle was standing there, so confident and with a gleam in his eye. "Why are you here?"

Raphael tossed the sword onto the bed and made himself comfortable in a nearby chair. "The same thing you're after," he waved his hand around. "The death of my family."

* * *

"April!" Casey called out. "Are you okay?!" He ran over to her while Leonardo went to check on Splinter. "What happened?"

April wrapped her arms around Casey and allowed him to help her up. "He……..he tried to….." she paused. She couldn't even say it. The look in her eyes told Casey all he needed to know.

"I'll kill him," he growled low.

"No," April protested as she was helped to the couch. "there's something wrong with him."

Casey stared at her wondering why she was defending the one who tried to attack her.

"That's not Raphael. It didn't even sound like him," she explained.

Michelangelo brought April a glass of water and looked at his father. "Are you okay, sensei?"

"Yes Michelangelo, I am fine." Splinter replied. He looked around the room and his eyes stopped on April. "I think it would be best Ms. O'Neil if you gathered your things and returned with us."

April nodded and went into her room to start packing.

Casey waited for her door to close before he began speaking. "Will someone please tell me what's going on here?! What's wrong with him?"

* * *

Shredder sat at the head of the table, enjoying his breakfast. Hun and Karai were on either side of him. They had been listening to their master tell them about their new ally in the fight against their enemies, the turtles.

Hun had a hard time believing anyone was going to be able to get close to the mutants. Karai was curious to know who it was. "Master Shredder," she asked. "Who would be able to infiltrate the turtles and then tell us their weaknesses? Can we trust such a person?"

"No my daughter, not a person, but another mutant." Shredder responded and continued to eat his breakfast.

"I'm curious to see who this _mutant_ is," Hun snarled.

"Very well," Shredder conceded. He turned towards the door and nodded. The sentry standing in place understood the signal and opened the door.

Both Karai and Hun's eyes went wide as they watched the large turtle stroll in as if he owned the place. Raphael stopped and stood beside the Shredder. "Please," Shredder pointed to an empty seat. "Join us."

Not paying attention to the strange looks he received, Raphael did as he was asked and took a seat. Immediately a plate of food was placed in front of him. He ignored everyone else as he began to eat.

"Father!" Karai shrieked. "You cannot be serious! How can we trust this creature?!" Karai stood up and walked over to Raphael, grabbing the edge of his chair, she jerked it around so he was facing her. "What have you done to him you filthy……"

Karai never finished her sentence. Immediately Raphael stood up and stared at her. Glaring, he reached out and grabbed her by the throat, lifting her off the ground, "I wouldn't say such things if I were you," he growled.

As soon as Raphael moved, Hun stood up, waiting on Shredders instructions. Oddly, the oriental man sat silently and continued eating, as if nothing was happening. Hun began to move around the table to where Raphael was, until Saki placed his hand out and stopped him.

Realizing he wasn't going to be interrupted, Raphael continued to hold Karai, watching her face change colors and listening to her gasp for breath. "You father trusts ME, you little witch. Unlike you." He noticed the look on her face as her feet dangled above the ground. "You see," he continued. "I could have killed you father last night but I didn't. Instead, I showed him how poorly you had trained his elite." He tightened his grip, completely cutting off her air. "One would think that you purposely slacked in their training, in hopes that your father would be killed. Then you would be placed in charge."

Seeing that Karai was close to passing out, Shredder finally intervened. "Enough Raphael. You may put her down now." He stared at his adoptive daughter, as she slumped into her chair, gasping for air. "I believe your point has been made." He turned his attention to Hun, who stood there, in amazement of what happened. "Hun," Shredder ordered. "Take Raphael, furnish him with weapons and have a room prepared for him. Make sure," he emphasized. "That he has everything he requires."

Not knowing what else to do, the large man complied. "Follow me," he ordered to Raphael. Hun was not polite in his introductions around Foot headquarters. His first step was to take Raphael to the weapons master to make his selections.

* * *

The turtle's April and Casey quietly returned to the lair. Leonardo went to check things out before allowing anyone else to enter. He returned momentarily with the word that all was clear. "It's safe," he said allowing his family to enter.

Warily, everyone began to walk in. "Donatello," Leonardo spoke. His voice startled the jumpy turtle. "Listen to me Don," Leonardo looked him in the eye. "I need you to change the codes on the alarm. I don't want Raphael making his way in here." He paused waiting for a reaction.

Donatello just nodded in agreement with Leonardo's directions. "I'll set up the back-up system as well," he murmured quietly and walked off.

"What happened Leo?" Casey asked. "He seems so jumpy and…..scared."

"During a sparring session," Michelangelo swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. "Raphael almost killed him."

Casey sat on the couch beside April, waiting on an explanation for their friend's violent behavior. "I don't understand," Casey admitted. "What's going on with him?"

"I believe, Mr. Jones," Splinter walked down from the stairwell. "I will find the answer in this." He held up a red, nameless book and walked over to his seat. "Your brother's journal," he eyed Leonardo and Michelangelo. "Perhaps there is something here that will shed some light on our current situation." Cautiously, Splinter opened the journal and began flipping through the most recently penned pages, gazing at the words written on them.

While Splinter was looking through the book, Donatello returned and joined his family in the main living area. Leonardo noticed the look of apprehension on his face and the nervousness emanating from their friend April. "Mike," he looked at his youngest brother. "Why don't you help me make some tea for everyone. It might help to calm everyone down a bit." Agreeing, Michelangelo stepped into the kitchen with his brother. In a matter of a few minutes, everyone was holding a warm mug of tea.

"When did all this start happening?" April asked. She looked at Leonardo waiting on an answer.

"A few days ago," Leonardo began. "We went into the Volpahart building." He looked at Casey. "Angel's brother was down there and she wanted us to go get him out of there."

"I remember her telling me about that," Casey answered. "She didn't go into the bottom of it with you guys though, did she? She said she stayed on the ground floor of the building with the old man."

"She did," Leonardo continued. "We went down into the underground and there was some giant monster. Apparently he fed off of the greed of others. It was how he controlled them, by offering them money or power." Leonardo took a sip of his tea and inhaled for a moment. "While we were down there, it captured us and put us in some sort of cell like in a beehive. It played on our worst fears and made them seem real." Leonardo shuddered when he remembered running his swords through the image of his father. "We all faced a different situation. I battled Splinter, Michelangelo dreamt that I had joined with the monster and Donnie," he indicated to his brother, "he dreamt that something happened to Angel and he couldn't do anything to save her."

"What was Raphael's?" April asked. She was sitting up against Casey, his arms around her.

"April," Casey interrupted. "I doubt he told them anything."

"You're right Casey," Michelangelo added. "He didn't tell us anything. I was kind of hoping he told you what happened but I guess not, huh."

"Sorry Mike," Casey apologized. "I wish I could shed some light on the situation."

"Perhaps this will help us," Splinter spoke up. "I believe I may have found something in your brother's journal." He cleared his throat and began to read.

_We rescued Angel's brother from the Volpahart building. There was some kind of monster down there. While we were there, it caught us and stuck us in some goop. I don't know about the other's but I had a nightmare down there. I dreamt I was fighting the Shredder but when I knocked his helmet off, I was staring at myself. _

_I had another nightmare. This time, I watched as my other self mutilated my family. I or my other self slit Leo's throat, ran my sai through Donnie's throat and pinned him to the table, Michelangelo had my other sai pushed through the side of his head. I walked into Sensei's room and watched as I cut Master Splinter's head completely off. I'm losing control._

_I can't keep this up. I think I'm going insane. I keep dreaming that I'm killing my friends and family. I can't even write down what I did to April or how I killed Casey. I tried to fight myself but I lost. I'm in hell and I can't escape._

"No wonder he wouldn't tell us," Michelangelo shook his head in disbelief. "He probably was scared of what we would have thought of him." He wanted to cry, he had never felt so hopeless before. "Is there anything we can even do to help him?"

April set her cup on the table and leaned over to reassure Michelangelo. Gently she squeezed his hand and forced a smile. "We'll do whatever it takes Mikey. We'll bring him back."

Leonardo watched his family and eyed Donatello, sitting silently in the chair. "Donnie?" he questioned. "I need you to tell me what's going on."

Donatello looked up at his brother and shook his head. "I have to wonder Leo." He stood up and walked around still holding his mug of tea. He sighed for a moment and then turned back around to everyone. "What if he doesn't want help? What if there isn't anything that we can do and this is how he is? Then what?"

Casey didn't want to listen to that. Immediately he stood up and began to argue with the purple banded turtle. "How can you say that?! This is your brother you're talking about! You heard what Splinter read just as well as the rest of us, Raph needs our help!" Angry and full of rage at what was happening, Casey did the only thing he could think of. He threw his mug across the room at the wall and watched as it shattered into pieces.

"Enough!" Leonardo yelled at the two who were arguing. "Donnie," he spoke sternly. "Whether he wants it or not, Raph is getting our help. We're going to need you on this one, Raph is going to need you." He put his hand on his brother's shoulder and gave him a pleading look. "I know you're scared, we all are. Please," he begged. "Don't let him fall into this darkness."

Donnatello looked at Leonardo and saw the desperation in his brother's eyes. "Ok," he whispered. "What do we need to do?"

Splinter had been sitting in his chair, waiting and watching. He knew that he couldn't make his son's help Raphael. It would have to be of their own choice. He also had faith that his family was strong and would stick together. His faith in his boys was not unfounded. Nodding at Leonardo and Donatello as they sat down and looked at him he spoke, "There is one more entry." He told them. He turned the page to final message and waited for everyone to settle before he read it. "This one is very different from the rest."

_We know you're reading this old rat. You're too late. We don't want your help, remember. When we see you again, we'll kill you. _

Splinter cleared his throat. "It even seems as if it were written by a completely different person. Even the handwriting is nothing like the other entries."

"Maybe," Donatello perked up, "Because it was." He stood up and walked over to his father and held out his hand. "Can I see that for a moment Sensei?"

Splinter agreed and handed the book over. Donatello immediately took and flipped back a page and reread the selections. His family watched as he paced back and forth, turning the pages and looking again at the last entry.

"What are you thinking don?" Michelangelo asked.

Donatello held up a finger to silence his brother for a moment and shut the book. "Remember what he said at April's? 'We don't need any help.' He didn't say I, he said WE." He emphasized that last word. The gears were beginning to turn as he considered even more clues about his brother's behavior. "April," he turned towards her, not really looking at her, still thinking. "You said it didn't sound like him. Why?"

April sat up and considered all that had happened only hours ago. "It just didn't," she tried to explain. "He was so quiet and was almost crying when he got there. His voice was so soft spoken. He even apologized for what he was going to do. Then, when he turned around, he just looked evil and his voice was so harsh." She stopped and shook a little when she though about what had almost had happened, what might have been had her friends not stopped him. "It looked like him but that was all that seemed like Raph."

"Alright Donnie," Casey insisted. "Spill it," he ordered. "What's happened to him?"

"I'm not 100 positive Casey," Donatello stood with his left hand on his hip and his right one rubbing at his chin. "But it almost sounds like Raph is fighting with multiple personality disorder."

* * *

**Next chapter is in the works and will be up soon, I think.**

**(cringes in fear) there's a plot bunny that hides at the foot of my bed. Really.**


	4. Chapter 4

I'm sorry for such a long time in between updates. Contrary to popular and current beliefs, Geisha are not glorified prostitutes. Wikipedia has a pretty good explanation of what they are and what their duties are. It's a good read if you want to check it out.

* * *

Raphael followed Hun throughout the compound, making mental notes of where everything was. His trip to the weapons master went well without any problems. He chose two new sai, larger than his first pair, a butterfly sword, and a long sword. He was offered a new mask and belt and appropriately chose the color black. He continued walking silently behind the large human until he came to a stop at the end of the hallway.

Hun turned, smiling at the turtle, certain he wouldn't agree to this. Hun was positive this was all a ruse that Raphael was playing them all for fools, and this was going to prove it. "Now," he said as he opened the door for his former enemy. "There's just one more thing we need to take of." His lips curled into a sneer.

Not being intimidated at all, Raphael just folded his arms and played along. "Alright," he said, leaning against the wall. "What?"

"If you're going to join us," Hun answered, pushing the door open fully so Raphael could see inside. "You're going to have to wear our mark."

Donnatello explained his theory to his family. Along the way, he tried to convince himself that what he was saying was the reason behind his brother's strange behavior. It was decided that each turtle and Casey would pair off and take watch. Until they were aware of where Raphael was, there was nothing more they could do. They would begin their searches the next night. Right now, everyone was emotionally and physically drained. They needed rest. Michelangelo and Casey took the first watch.

There wasn't much to do really. They just tried to keep each other from falling asleep and monitored the screens, catching the feed from the security cameras that were in the sewer tunnels. Leonardo also had Donatello disable the elevator so their brother couldn't make his way into the lair that way.

Michelangelo was sitting at the console watching the monitors when Casey came in from the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. He pulled a chair up to his young friend and passed the cup over. "Thanks Case," Michelangelo took a sip and turned quietly so he was staring at his human friend. "Did you understand what Donnie said tonight?"

"Well," Casey scratched at the top of his head, trying to think. "I guess so. I think what Donnie was explainin' was that the nightmare Raph had was scary enough to make his personality split." He waited for Michelangelo to say something but the youngest turtle kept sipping at his coffee, trying to stay awake. "Anyways," Casey continued. "I guess his temper became a separate part and took over." He stopped and thought about what he just said. "Does it sound like I understood it?"

"Yeah Casey. It's pretty much how I understood Donnie's explanation." Michelangelo turned his attention back to the monitors, keeping a careful eye on the tunnels. "I just don't get it," he whispered.

"I though you said you understood what Don said?"

"No, that part I understand," he put his cup down and turned back to Casey. "I don't get why he thought he couldn't tell us. I mean, I know he was afraid of what we would think but why? Doesn't he trust us?" Tired, Michelangelo rested his elbows on the console and stared at the multiple screens.

"Mike," Casey softened his voice and placed a reassuring hand on his friend's shell. "I can't exactly explain this one. It's tough for guys like me and Raph, ya' know? We spend our lives trying to take care of others and it's hard to just switch gears and let someone else take care of us."

"Leo takes care of us, but he doesn't have a problem talking about what's bothering him."

"I told ya' Mike," Casey's sigh went through his entire body. It was going to be long night. "It's hard to explain. Guys like me and Raph just don't talk about certain things. That's all I can tell ya."

The night passed by slowly. Leonardo and Donatello took their turn early in the morning and let Casey and Michelangelo get some sleep. Leonardo sighed deeply, staring at the monitors, almost wishing his brother would show up on the screen. He secretly hoped that Raphael would simply wake up and come home, that he would be fine and everything could go back to normal. He rested his chin on his hand as his brother came back from the kitchen with a second pot of coffee. Leonardo looked at the cup but didn't touch it right away. "Donnie?" he asked. Donatello looked at his brother, waiting for him to finish his sentence. "How come I didn't notice anything? Why didn't I see something was wrong?"

Donatello shrugged his shoulders. Setting his cup down he exhaled, "I guess we don't see what Raph doesn't want us to," he tried to explain.

"I guess."

Raphael cringed, looking at the tattoo on his arm. A fearsome looking purple dragon wound its way up his right forearm. Just before it reached his elbow, the head rested underneath the blazing, red symbol of the foot. _I hate it,_ he said to himself.

_What's the matter Raphie boy? Don't like the new mark?_ His darker half strode back and forth in front of him. _Doesn't really matter if you like it or not,_ he grinned like a Cheshire cat. _It stays. Besides_ he threw his hands out in exaggeration,_ You gotta' love the room. Just look at it._ Raphael walked over to himself, still hanging on the wall. The blood that had once dripped down his arms dried to a cake like substance. _Look around! I told you I would make things better for us and I did!_

By making things better, Raphael's worst part had joined their enemy, Oruku Saki and was now wearing his mark. He had also managed to get them out of the 'wretched and shit filled sewers' as he liked to put it. Their new room was fit for a king. Walking in, was a large bed up against the wall. Ivory carvings of dragons adorned the headboard and footboard. White, silken sheets spread over the soft mattress, with a mountain of pillows at the top. The side of the wall that ran parallel to the bed was nothing but windows, showing a view of the city he had never seen before. The rest of the room sprawled out to a living area, complete with couches, chairs, statues and artwork. A large bathroom with plenty of space was attached at the very back. _I hate it,_ the turtle pinned to the wall grumbled. _I want my home in the sewers with my family,_ he stared at his other self. He waited for a moment, he knew what was coming. SMACK! He was slapped across the face. _I want to sleep in my hammock!_ He yelled. Again he was hit in the face, only this time with a fist. He would have been hit a third time but a knock at the door interrupted things.

Hun entered the main room where Oruku Saki was sitting. Hun chuckled inwardly to himself. _Honor my ass,_ he thought to himself. _He's all about himself, money and power. He just likes to hide behind the word to justify it._ Hun's musings stemmed from the look of the room. It was ostentatious at best. Shredder sat alone in a large chair, placed at the top three steps. A red carpet led up to the throne and its occupant sat as though he owned the world. Although, Hun realized, with the money this man had, he probably did own a large portion of it. Stopping in front of the figure seated, Hun automatically bowed and rose up, an act of habit, not respect.

"Did you take care of Raphael's needs?" Saki inquired.

"Yes Master Shredder," Hun answered. "What I don't understand is why? Why trust a creature who up until this point has been our enemy?"

Karai was standing to the side of her father. She flinched at Hun's brashness but she waited and turned her attention to her father, like him, she also required an answer.

"Let him get comfortable with what we have here," Shredder folded his hands and smiled evilly. "He will enjoy himself for the next few days, begin to trust us. Then when the time has passed, he will tell us what we want to know about the other turtles."

"And if he doesn't?" Karai stood with her arms folded.

"Then my dear Karai, I will let you and Hun make him tell us." Shredder's smile slowly and methodically turned into a laugh, one that mixed with the sound of Karai and Hun's amusement and echoed down the hall.

Angered at being interrupted, Raphael flung the door open. "What?" he asked in a surly voice, expecting Hun to be standing there with some stupid dare he wanted to test Raphael with. To his surprise, it was a young girl standing in the doorway, a tray in hand. Quietly and timidly she bowed and rose up, waiting to be allowed into his room. Raphael stared silently at the person who waited in the doorway. He eyed her almost suspiciously

"You are Raphael, are you not?" she asked, still staring at him questionably. Her white make-up covered face masked her expression.

"Yeah," he paused for a moment. "Who are you?" He finally stepped aside, allowing her in the room.

"I am Kumiko," she bowed once more after setting the tray down. "I am a gift from Master Saki." She waited for him to say something, nothing but silence. "I am your Geisha."

"Really," Raphael's eyes perked up. "And what would that entail," he eagerly rubbed his hands togther, already deciding on her first task.

Kumiko went on to explain what she was there for but her words were lost to Raphael. He was busy dealing with an argument in his head.

_You can't be serious?! _he yelled at himself. Raphael had gotten to the point of numbness. No amount of attacks from his other self seemed to matter. His body had been beaten so much he felt almost nothing now. _She can't be any older than 16! She's still a kid!_

_Child or not,_ the armored turtle smiled smugly to his weaker self dangling from the wall, like a forgotten piece of cloth. _She is ours and we can do whatever we want with her. Right now, I got urges that need taking care of._ Raphael folded his arms, the metal of his armor making a noise as he moved.

_NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _He screamed back. _It isn't right!_

_I don't know what you're so worried about. She's the same age as us;_ he held his chin with his right hand, his left tucked at his side. _I got it;_ he pointed a finger in the other turtle's bruised face. _You like her, it's one of those love at first sight things isn't it,_ and he mocked the other turtle. _Do you hear bells ringing when you see her?_ He teased.

_You son of a……… Just let me off this wall and I'll make you hear bells,_ Raphael leaned as far forward as he could, feeling his skin rip against his sai, small trickles of blood starting again. _I'll beat you so hard………_ He would have finished his thought but he was interrupted by his other self.

In a condescending manner, the well armored turtle gently patted Raphael on the cheek. _I'll tell you what, you can have her. In this room, you can come out and play. Talk to her, cry on her shoulder, feel her up, I don't care. I'll get what I want later._ He started to walk away down the corridor but turned just before he got out of sight. _Just remember that I'm still in complete control. The minute you step out that door, I take back the little bit you have._ He walked away, his laughter bouncing of the walls.

Kumiko got halfway through her explanation and turned around to see Raphael holding his head. His eyes were shut tight and his teeth were clenched so fiercely, she thought they would break. Carefully she went over to him. "Raphael? Are you alright?" She placed her hands on his shoulders and guided him over to the edge of the bed.

"I'm fine," he muttered, looking up as she handed him a cup of warm tea. "Just a headache is all." Appreciatively, he took the tea and began to drink it.

"Perhaps you should eat something," she suggested, placing a tray of sushi in his eyesight. She waited for him to take it but he didn't move. Slowly she put the tray back. "You don't like sushi?"

"Not really no," he shook his head. "Sorry."

"I also brought some cakes, would you like one of those?" She lifted the lid off of another tray to reveal an assortment of small cakes to go with the tea.

Raphael smiled at the girl in the colorful kimono. Quietly he took a small piece and popped it in his mouth. He swallowed it down with another drink. She quickly refilled his cup. "I didn't quite catch everything that you were saying before. Tell me again," he asked. "What exactly do you do?"


End file.
